“The Silent Treatment”

When Silence Is Golden

I have argued many a time that keeping silent when dating is quite childish. However, when you have a temper as hot as Mexican chillies, perhaps the best thing to do is keep to yourself for a little while until you are ready to have a mature conversation with your partner. It can also help avoid a lot of conflict in your relationship and helps you avoid the gunk that usually comes with arguments.

If there is one lesson I have learned from dating and being in relationships is that we tend to say a lot of hurtful things to each other when we are upset. Usually we vent out things which have been bottled up for a while and trust me, that leaves scars in a relationship. Words are very powerful hence the reason you can remember things said to you from several years ago.

I had a less than desirable reaction from my husband yesterday and I decided instead of fight, I’ll give myself two or three days to cool off and then decide if I should talk to him about it or leave if for another time. One downside though to my silent treatment is that he picked up on it almost immediately, it made him so uncomfortable that his mood also started changing and heading for the floor! Oh well, if that’s what will keep the peace for me then it’s the price I’ll have to pay. Silence is golden!

Book Review Friday: Fascinating Womanhood

A true back to basics book this one. I just completed reading this book my Helen Andelin. This is a 1963 classic which was recently redone in the sixth edition. Now when reading it I felt conflict within my inner self when it came to the ideals of a woman, how to treat a man and acceptance etc. I found it down right old fashioned, however, once I thought pondered long and hard about it I came to the realization that yes, each partner has a place in the relationship. I mean it’s simple, my grandparents have been together for as long as I can remember and longer. So have my parents.

So why is it that with younger generations marriages do not last? We seem to have thrown the old principles out the window if you ask me. So, modern woman or not this is a must read. I must admit if you are a “career” girl, this book might just stir you up and not in the most fun of ways!! Still a good read and teaches ideals we all need to know. After all, every girl needs to know the secret to Fascinating Womanhood!

Happy Reading,
Helen.

Dealing With Communication Break Downs

The worst thing that can happen when dating is when you have a breakdown in communication. Now usually most of us women do not handle it well and this is when we start to bombard our partner with emails, calls, texts and any form of communication just to remind them that “hey, I exist and I still love you!” Amazingly this is the worst thing we can do to ourselves as a woman. It’s as if the more we try to reach out, the more you just push him away. Not what I’d recommend in my dating guide to fixing relationship and communication breakdowns.
I’ve been in a situation where I was trying to get attention from a guy who well, as embarrassing as it is dating two women at the same time. The other woman always seemed to get his attention. So I decided to spy on the competition! I learned a valuable lesson. Here’s what I found out about the “enemy”…..

1. She didn’t bombard him with communication, instead she kept her distance
2. She seemed very cool, calm and collected, did her own thing and didn’t have the dependency syndrome (she gave him his space)
3. She acted like he was not a priority in her life

Mmmhhh…..This gal was a fenomenal woman alright! What’s worse, her strategy worked. Here was poor me begging this loser and I was just pushing him into her arms, unknowingly ofcourse. So what does this mean? Not all men are the same however, when things aren’t really going well between the two of you, don’t suffocate him with being in his face. He knows you exist and if he really wanted to hear from you, guess what? He’ll call you.

Secondly, don’t get defensive or play the weak little damsel in distress and threaten him with tears.
Be cool, level headed, calm and collected when talking. Avoid using hurtful words, it comes back to bite you!

So yes find and set a time to talk about things but don’t smother him.

Okay I’ve got to go and see what’s making my baby girl wail. Till Next Time!

Book Review Friday: Why Men Marry Bitches

Hi everybody, it’s Friday! Fridays are book review day on fenomenalwoman and today’s book is saucy, spicy, funky, funny, witty and just what the doctor ordered to take your relationship to the next level. Sherry Argov author of “Why men love bitches” (which I haven’t read yet) is author of the sequel “Why Men Marry Bitches which I completed reading. I just love the book, it’ll have you in stitches and gives you a whole new level of evil yet much needed confidence.

I followed some of the advice given in the book and it worked like a charm. Ofcourse, too much or too little of something is not a good mix so you’ll need to use your female intuition and sixth sense to get just the right mix. Would I recommend this book to women? YES….Simply because the advise is practical, it’s a fun book to read and gives you renewed confidence. It certainly makes for some good, fun reading and gets a 5 star from me.

Sound interesting? Get the book from Amazon at Why Men Marry Bitches

Happy Reading!

Love,
Helen.

Getting Rid Of The Old Dating Package

Have you ever stopped for a moment to think just how much our circle of friends, family, media and society influence our dating decisions? Think about it. From the time I was a little girl, I believed from the Cinderella stories that I would meet a handsome prince who would sweep me off my feet, go down on one knee, propose, I would have a beautiful wedding in a lovely white gown and live happily ever after. Woah!!!!! Okay back to reality, firstly, I think we should stop lying to our little girls that prince charming will sweep her off her feet. Secondly, the image of prince charming being handsome, tall, muscular should also stop being sold as fact.

More often than not, we are drawn to attractive muscular men because the media sells such finely chiseled super men as the ideal. They have the “bad boy” persona that is supposed to be the ultimate.  From my experiences and the experiences of other women around me including, family, friends, colleagues and even acquaintances, this is so far from the truth it is actually sad. The men who look like they stepped out of a men’s health magazine are usually the heartbreakers and players. They are not looking to settle down, they are simply dating, enjoying the ride so-to-speak.

Let’s face the facts about dating for ordinary women like you and me. Judging from what I’ve learnt, the man you marry is not exactly the guy who will sweep you off your feet from the word go. Usually when you start to date Mr. Right more often than not you might find yourself trying hard to be interested in him. 9 out of 10 times he is not the look-alike of a model on the front cover of men’s health. At the time I met my current husband, I was dating serious drop-dead gorgeous guys and they all left me with the broken pieces of my little heart which I was scraping up off the floor. Trust me I think I really dated the worst; from broke wannabe business men, to good looking unemployed guys, to gorgeous with baby mama drama men. Dude?

At the time my now husband showed up, I had been there done that and quite frankly, had enough. Funny thing is, I hadn’t dated the serious yet funny intellectual type. This was the first time a guy I was dating could hold an intelligent conversation without wanting to get into my pants. He’s demeanor was calm, in-control and he was on the nerdy side, yet he was beautiful inside and out. Nothing like the models on magazine covers but he had his own appeal. He treated me the way I knew a woman should be treated but had never experienced with any of my exes. He was a dream come true, not quite in the

package I had imagined but beautiful all the same. Four months into our relationship he got down on one knee. Two months later I was pregnant and we are expecting our first child. He remains good to me and committed. Kind of makes me wonder why I tried so hard to make it work and change all those bad boys in the past. So not worth it!

So if you haven’t found Mr. Right yet, perhaps you are looking for the wrong packaging and are trying to change an unchangeable man. Truth be told, you cannot change a man if he doesn’t want to change himself. Spare yourself the dating headaches of chasing castles in the sky. Why don’t you get rid of the old packaging, and try something new?

Dating For A Year But No Marriage Proposal

Dating for a year and still no marriage proposal

Okay this one is a common one ladies. When you get to about 25 – 30, really women date with the intention of someday getting a commitment from our partner. Most women expect it to just come without discussion with your partner and 9 out of 10 times, he just never pops the question. Then what happens to most women? Well they start the cycle all over again. They meet someone new, he is great in the beginning, they date for a while and she likes him so much she sees a future with him and then she may even be brave enough to mention the “M” word then……… All of a sudden he’s changed. Arrrrgggggghhh. What’s going on here?

Most women are afraid to state what they are looking for in a relationship with a man from the very beginning. I know because I was one of those women. We’ve been programmed to think that talking about commitment from the very beginning means the man you are about to be involved with will run for the hills before you even get to know each other. If he’s not the serious type and does run for the hills then good riddens to bad rubbish! He was going to break your heart anyway. Better to weed out the time wasters.

Here’s my take. If you are afraid of being alone then you do need some time to be alone ladies. You need time to get to know you, your interests, what makes you the woman you are. What defines you as a woman? One thing women today need to understand is that having a man in your life will not complete you. You need to be complete by yourself especially emotionally in order to avoid a man coming into your life and walking all over you, and worse, you allow him to. Knowing who you are and what you want also gives you the confidence to lay down the rules of the relationship from the beginning. Laying down the rules does not mean on the first date you start talking about how you want a nice big house in the suburbs, two kids – a boy and a girl, an SUV and all that. It simply means after a while of dating and getting to know your date, you can be grounded and aware of whether he will make the right man for you or not.

This is a point most women forget about. We are so taken with the fantasy of getting married, that we forget the reality of getting to know the person we are with and finding out whether he is what we really want in our lives or not. What happened to your needs and your happiness as a woman? If he hasn’t proposed to you after a year, step back and assess what is going on in your relationship. You might find that he is not actually what you are looking for or you are not really ready for that type of commitment. If you feel you are ready, having a clear head will help you analyze your situation. Women have what is usually referred to as a sixth sense and I learned that it never fails. So what is your sixth sense telling you?

The Men I Date Are Not What I Want

Have you ever wondered why some of your female friends seem to meet the nice guys and you may even have a married friend who is happy. So why are you single again? How come the men you meet don’t seem to want to settle down? Or it works well for a few months then he is just the same as the last loser you dated. Are other women different from you? Not necessarily and this ladies, by the way is an issue I struggled with for ten long years until I got an uh huh moment!

You might wonder why it took me ten years to figure out but I had to learn a lot for myself because no one can convince a woman otherwise, we’re stubborn like that. We may get a lot of advice from our girlfriends and moms but at the end of it all, we hardly take the advice, especially today’s modern woman. I was like that. My mom and grandma seemed to have what I thought were ideals from centuries ago, however I learned that the basic principles have been the same since biblical times. Okay without getting all philosophical on you girls, let’s discuss what I went about learning and implementing.

Firstly, I didn’t really know what kind of man I wanted. What? Well yes we all describe our dream guy being handsome, intelligent, well spoken, well educated, masculine etc. but what does all that mean? Does it mean we are compatible? Does it mean we have a real connection that is perceived on both sides and not just in my head? Do we want the same things in life? Are our goals similar and can they coincide? Ladies when you start to ask yourself these hard questions then the truth starts to come out. For me the answer was NO.

Secondly, the lesson? Well until you actually understand and know the requirements a man must have for you to date him and consider a serious relationship then unfortunately you will keep attracting or dating all the wrong types. So I leave you with the challenge of actually writing down what you are looking for in a potential husband.